Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
