We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
