She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
