And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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