69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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