I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
