There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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