Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
