the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
