He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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