my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
