You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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