Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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