We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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