True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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