How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
