This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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