He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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