You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
