Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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