In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
