he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
