I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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