Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
