my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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