whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
