Im at strip club and am horny
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
