He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
honey bunches of taint.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
