biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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