Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i out mim tonsoeep
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