Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
