there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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