I just pynch a tree in the face
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
