The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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