The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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