the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
