Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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