ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
