Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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