Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
