I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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