i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My feet surprised me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
