I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
