If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize