I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
