so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
