Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
