Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
