the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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