i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
