Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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