Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
