Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
