when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
