I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
