this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the day after is always just damage control
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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