I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
