shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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