awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
everyone is single if you try hard enough
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
