i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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