i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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