Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
