Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
