He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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