Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
