This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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