those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
