he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
