see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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