I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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