half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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